My daughter got her nightly call from her father tonight who after talking to a chipper girl, asked me "why do you both sound so cheerful and happy?" and then more pointedly, "how? how are you so happy?" Those seem to be the questions of the day... both why and how. Why should we be happy if this unpredictable world can dole out anything at any time, and how do we find happiness (I call it contentment) in our journey. I won't pretend to have any great wisdom but rather share my thoughts through the lens of a movie I just saw today and my own experience (today chipper, tomorrow who knows).
As I was doing my hair I watched the movie, 13 Conversations About One Thing. It's an independent film that really does a fine job addressing our interconnectedness as humans, the fundamental questions we ask ourselves, the joy we find or rebel against through our habits of interaction. To me it was clear in the film that the characters had no choice about the effect their actions had on others, good and bad. They did, however, have a choice about how they saw the world and the people around them. My favorite character was Mr. Bowman, a cheerful, content man who rushed home to his family every evening and made sweet calls to his wife of 23 years throughout the day. It was clear from the gifts of food, favorite baked goods, fun stories and laughter that he brought into the office that his wife gave him sweet things too. The movie seemed to have something to say about the importance of friends, family and good lovin'. When faced with a layoff communicated by his manager who detested his positivity, laughter and happy demeanor, Mr. Bowman first seemed sad. He then said (paraphrase) "Well, I guess I should look at the bright side, I can take that vacation I've always wanted now..." - the manager had bet a co-worker that this layoff would knock the cheeriness right out of him. At the heart of it, the unhappy manager wanted to know if this guy was for real or if all of this was an act. He got his answer when Mr. Bowman left the office with a smile on his face and said "see you guys tomorrow." Gene, the manager, had said he would make sure he could finish out the week (you and I both know that when faced with a firing or layoff it can be a test of strength to continue working when your ego has taken a blow. Could this also offer a commentary on the power of egolessness?)
There were no "happy" endings in this film. Only realizations about the strength of human connections - that another person's smile can make someone want to go on for one more day; an unlikely result can give a second chance to make something right; seeing someone else be a positive inspiration can inspire you to do the same; that you do matter to someone.
This brings me back to the question about contentment. I know that I matter to someone and that others matter to me. I don't even know the extent of the impact my presence has on her life but I value it and think about how I can be more purposefully impactful every day. We talk about it. We share hugs and kisses. We bring friends and family into our lives almost daily. We laugh and cry (and yell) together. I love as well as I can. I'm seriously flawed and like everyone else, perfectly human. I'm an introvert and often this causes more to go on inside my head than to come out of my mouth - expressing myself means that I have to work up to getting past the walls that exist for me, and that I first have to be aware of them. Awareness... in the movie, the manager Gene reflected on his divorce. That he had put his head down and worked so hard for so many years; and that when leaving for a business trip (the last one before coming back to find his wife gone) she was in the window waving. He asked himself what might have happened if he'd have waved back... would that have been enough of a sign to her. He seemed to be gauging how much of a connection is enough... the movie ends with his encounter on a subway car with a woman who we know is recently separated. She looks downtrodden. As he exits the subway car onto the platform they look at each other through the window. Before the train pulls off, he's the first to wave.
