Repeating myself. It's the most apropos phrase I've heard yet for what I've long thought of in these terms:
Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. - Pema Chodron
The power of repeating myself shows up
in the way my voice parrots without my permission
in the job that I have entered, yet again
only to feel the life stifled out of me as I support someone else's thin vision
there's no air up here
in the resentment I feel at not being seen
being disregarded by those who are trying to pull me close
closer and closer
until I disappear from their field of vision in their near-sightedness
it's really bad enough that I can't see myself
it's enough really
but to not have a mirror that reflects
anything of me at all
I guess I've disappeared myself
I fit in where I get in with you
I don't ask for support getting what I want
and even when I do my asking is trumped by another's needs
ground zero
starting over
right where I started
I have to appear myself
let others off the hook for not seeing me when I erased myself
all is forgiven
and in time I will forget
I will stop linking the stories of today
to my feeling of yesterday
